Folks, since I have been encouraged by folks hereabouts to blather on more..I'll do so. Grab a seat and git comfortable..this might take a while to tell. See, way back in the early 80's I purchased an old 1970 GMC pick-up. Yup...I know..this ain't a Ford story...just bear with me. Mind ye it was an ole truck...250 inline 6 with a 3 speed on the column..manual coke and a carberatter..and points ignition..if any of ya'll kin remember back that far. Harrumph! Dang fine truck too! Anyways...back then in 'er about August we was in the middle of a heat-wave here in south-central Pa. such as no mere mortal men have seen. Temps hovered about 103deg. in the daytime and didn't drop much at night. I work at a grocery store (baker...night-shift) and I did most of the cooking so I picked up all the groceries on that Fri. when I got off work and headed home. One of the items I picked up was a Perdue Roasting Chicken in one of them new "vacume-packed" bags. About a 8lb. chicken as I recall. Now folks..times was right smart hard then and we ate a lot of chicken. A whole lott'a chicken! Anyways...when I got home my daughter (about 4 or 5yrs. old then) came out and helped me unload all them groceries. I rekkin' she had about enough of eatin' chicken after all this time and unbeknownst to me she snatched up that Perdue Roaster and jammed it underneath the seat of that fine old truck out of sight. Somehow...I didn't notice it being missing...until much later. More to come..of course! Audie..the old longwinded fart!

 

Well now folks if yer following this tale you already get the picture. I'm driving around in 103 deg. temps with a chicken wedged beneath my seat..for quite a long spell. Now, mind ye I noticed a bulge forming in the mid-part of that bench seat for a few days. Never give it much thought. Them old seats was just springs and straw and a thin covering of vinyl..no big deal..eh?? Lumps was common..no big deal. And then one day when I was driving home something happened. Apparently at some point a chicken can expand to a certain point where the "vacume-packed bag" will POP! Don't know exactlly what the expansion rate is...I can tell ya'll the middle of the bench seat was right-smart raised when it POPPED! AND another thing I can tell ya'll is that a rotten chicken exploding in the confines of a pick-up truck cab can actually turn the air blue! I rekkin' it's much like an elephant farting in an elevator. You DO notice it! I figger I was doing about 50m.p.h. when I heard the "woosh" of air as the bag failed and shortly afterwards the odor hit my nose! Folks...ya'll just had to been there to grasp it!! Mind ye..there wasn't enough room in the cab of that truck for me and that smell!! Something had to give...and I mean right now! (more to come!) Audie....still reeling!

 

Well folks..as the storytellers say it..."There I was!" Trapped in the confines of that small cab...an odor such as no mere mortal man has ever smelled..at 50m.p.h. on a hot August day... I did the impossible! I kept up the speed so's not to pass out from lack of oxygen...held the doors open on both sides of the truck with my feet and pulled the choke out to keep the truck moving as fast as possible. (early "cruise-control"..) I ran several stop-signs and drifted into the driveway with an escort courtesy of the Pa. State Police due to my errant driving. Once they had determined that I was not D.U.I. and smelled the contents of my vehicle (from a safe distance)...they let me go. It took 2 years for that smell to vacate my beloved truck. And now, as Paul Harvey so often said...you know the rest of the story. Audie.....the oldfart!

 

and i take it this is the daughter that you finally got revenge on with a free dinner last week, after 30+ years?

 

So thats why the chicken bones were stuck in seat springs . Good one old fat keep it up.

 

Now, I have no way of knowing, for sure, but eveytime I read one of your stories, I'm picturing Uncle Jessey from the Dukes of Hazard. Just sittin in a rocking chair on the old wood front porch, in a pair of dirty over-alls. Another fine tale ye ol fart. Keep'em comin.

 

LOL Me too.......

 

Aye...tjc...that be the one! (giggle!) And only 1 mind ye!! I rekkin' if I had more than 1 kid to raise I'd just go hang myself down yonder in the garage! Arrrgghhh! I recall..as a child..my dear Mom putting "The Mothers Curse" on me. She said "I hope you have kids and I hope they're just like you!!" I did..she is..thanks Mom. Audie..the oldfart..

 

Hmmmm...this is kind'a creepy. Can you guys see me from here?? Dang! I do prefer bibb-overhauls to jeans..keeps my backside from peeking out. Spend a lot of time sittin' on the porch and do have a cobb pipe that I enjoy from time 'ta time. The back-yard is full'a junk from my remodeling...I'll clean that up one of these days. Hmpff....picture a portly old geezer peering up into the sky looking fer 1 of them spy-sattelites watchin' him. That'd be me!! Hey..can ya'll see me do this!! +++++++++++!!!!! Oh great..I can hear the neighbors now! "Whatinell is that old man doing waving at the sky and grinning his toothless ole grin??" Yup...creeps me out! Audie..the oldfart!

 

HA HA!!!!! We can see ya. Modern technology, ain't it great? Now wipe your chin. Ya gotta lil somting in your beard. LOL.

 

and the next time ya wave, there better be 5 fingers standin up!!!

 

This isn't fair Audie, you tease us with some of your stories and then leave us hanging.

I believe we may start a poll to install you as the official story teller of the chapter, heck you may even become the official Mid-Atlantic story teller.

Give us more, we need more, more, more, more, no pressure now, just start posting.

 

please be patient joe. he's out back the shed, moonin us.
i got a purtty good picture offa the satalite camera.
ya want ta see it??

 

Oh Yeh! Nuttin like a good picture.

 

ok ya asked fer it. thisy here is the picture i got offa the satalite camera of Audie out back the shed before when he was moonin us...