This fella was crackin' jokes at Poppa Don yesterday, and said something about how big Don's ears were.

Poppa Don looked him dead in the eye and said: "You ought to be an apple picker"

He said "Why?"

And Poppa Don said - "Because with a nose that big, you could hook it on a branch and pick with both hands..."

 

Don't like the weather in TN? Just give it a couple of hours or so...

 

Heard right before a bad accident. (Hey Ya'll watch this.) The UT female mating call ( Man I'm so drunk)

 

...hold my beer...

 

You ain't gonna believe this sh**

 

"we're not THAT closely related"




.............I don't think?

 

Bank fishing quotes from the Mississippi:

"Hell, it ain't that steep..."

"Does it shoal over there?" - "Nope, it just git mighty shallow..."

"Are these all your women?" - "Nope. I'm just borryin' them for tonight..."

"Ketchin' anythang?" - "Yep. Coupla beers..."

"Where's the nearest store?" - "Town."

"What's the best bait to use?" - "Leftovers. The longer they been left, the better..."

"What kinda sinker are you using?" - "AC 124F - they come outta my Dodge truck..." - "Is that the long heat range plugs?" - "YEP"

"Who owns the land we fishin' off of?" - "Hell, who owns the river..."

"You ketch so many fish - are you a professional guide?" - "Is your name Nestor????"

"You're a real smartass aintcha?" - "It beats bein' a dumb*** don't it???"

"Shut up and have another beer..."

"You got somethin' on your line - pray to god it ain't a magnolia tree."

"I could shoot one of them fish, but then I'd have to swim out after it!"

- and the one you hear the most -

"Dang, river sho has changed - ain't it?"

 

Might apply to some of TN...

If a couple from Arkansas get a divorce, are they still cousins?

 

no no I know what Im doing I swear.


Yea......yea what am I thinking these are the mushrooms you can eat I swear.


*officer looks at the truck and sees blood and a bit of grass chunks and mud and sees a deer in the bed*
Officer: How you doin today
Driver:Good...
Officer: How'd ya get the blood on the grill?
Driver:I was just drivin and it came outta no where *the deer that is*
Officer: Where did the grass and mud come from?
Driver:He tried to run.
Officer: *pauses* *breathes due to loss of words* Sir I need you to step outta the vehical.
Driver:*as he is being walked to the car* I didnt say it was in the road I just said I saw him outta no where.

 

An Italian guy and a redneck are driving down a country road. They come to a side road and the street sign has a yellow end on the right side of it - the driver says:

"Is that a 'U' turn?"

Passenger says:

"Nope, my turn is a quarter mile further. You can tell by the reflectors at the end of the driveway connection..."